Today, I want to bring to you a VERY special little boy and his mommy. This is not a typical wedding story I post, but a story that touched my soul; the story of a lovingly courageous couple who endured the adoption process, and thankfully the Lord granted them with a precious jewel, Asher. If you are considering adoption, this is a wonderful story of sacrifices and unconditional love! May you be blessed! xo
”Our decision to adopt was not one we made quickly or without much debate. We began our journey in June of 2012. We spent months preparing paperwork and photographs to build a profile that would be posted online for prospective birth-mothers to see and make the difficult choice for us to raise her child. It was a long and difficult process collecting the necessary forms and information about every aspect of our lives. Quite possibly the most difficult part was the letter we composed for the birth-mother to read. What could we say to make someone want to give us their child?
Finally we completed the process. The truth is that we had not finished as quickly as we could have. Doubts filled every minute of the journey, yet we knew that God was in control no matter how fast or slow we went. Slow is the name of the game in the world of adoption and waiting is truly the hardest part. Hundreds of couples and singles were already posted online waiting to be chosen. If and when we were chosen, we would follow the birth-mother through her pregnancy eagerly waiting and hoping she doesn’t change her mind. Based on our research and all of the support groups and chat rooms we joined, we were prepared for at least one adoption failure.
We received a call on January 21, 2013 that our profile was posted. The first two websites that would begin the long process of marketing us as parents were now ready. Less than one week of having our photos and letters posted we were told that over a dozen birth-mothers had viewed our profile. By the second week we had almost 30 views. We tried not to get excited; after all, statistically it would take an average of 6 months to 2 years to be chosen, then longer to hold our very own child….
On February 21, 2013, only one month after our profile went live, we got a phone call from the agency saying that a birth-mother had picked us. She was having difficulties and would possibly be induced that night. We had to make an immediate decision if we were to accept the offer of a child. It was a weekday and we were both at work and had to make a conference call to hear the details and agree to the terms of our birth-mother. She was a single mother of two who was in college completing her degree in order to provide a better future for her children and knew that she did not have the capability to raise another child in the manner he deserved.
We agreed with the adoption terms and waited to find out when she would be induced. We had not told our families about our decision to adopt in order to spare them the emotional stress we were experiencing, so we made the call to tell everyone we had a baby! Next we went to buy a car seat. Believing we had 6 months to 2 years to prepare, we had not bought any baby supplies. The call came the next day for us to make the ten hour drive to meet our son. We drove most of the night and arrived at the hospital at 3:00am. The nurses knew why we were there, and pointed to a door and told us she was in there. We opened the door and met our birth-mother. She was alone in the room because she had hidden her pregnancy from everyone. She welcomed us and offered background information on the health of her family and any other information she could.We immediately formed a bond. After all she is and always will be the mother of my child. Many often question my terminology saying that I am the baby’s mom. I don’t see it that way, we are both his mom and we share a deep love for a child as only a mother can. Fortunately for my little 6lb. 11oz. man, he has the love of not one but two mothers.
Unfortunately, we had to remain in the state for almost three weeks. We had the surprise of a possible birth-father requesting DNA testing. Many say this stress was my labor pain. I don’t know that I agree with that one either. The one thing I do know is that it gave me a better understanding of how a birth-mother must feel when she hands her baby to a stranger. You see, the truth is, I didn’t cry because I would go home without a child, I hurt not knowing if my child would have all of the things he deserved while growing up. Would they love him to the depth that I do? Would he have baseball gloves and toys to play with? Would the family allow me to send him gifts throughout his life? I didn’t want for me; I wanted what was best for him. This was the very moment I truly became a mother, not when I was handed a baby or signed legal paperwork.
God did not put me through “labor pains” to punish me, rather he taught me to appreciate the gift I was given of not only a son, but also of a birth-mother. His grace is amazing that way. He had our entire adoption story written before we lived it. We had chosen the name Asher for our son, biological or otherwise. Our birth-mom’s name is Ashley, I think the name is the perfect way to honor her, or should I say that God saw fit to match us with her. She and I keep in contact, is perhaps one of my best friends. She is an amazing woman. She made the ultimate sacrifice that any mother could possibly make. She knew that her child deserved a loving home that she could not provide at this time. Lucky for us she has agreed to remain a part of his life. I share our adoption story not because it gave me the most precious gift that any women could ever receive; instead I share it to increase the awareness of adoption. You see Ashley could have easily aborted this child. It would have been much easier on her. Instead she loved him and gave him life. The world places a stigma of shame on birth-mothers who choose to offer their children for adoption. I hope my story helps to change that view. As I have learned and hopefully you will see as well, Ashley is an amazingly courageous and loving mom who made a greater sacrifice than most can imagine. What she gave me is the gift of being a mom.
The name Asher means “happy or blessed” and we are very happy and truly blessed. 1 Samuel 1:27 ‘I prayed for this child and God has granted what I asked of him’
~Shawn
Huntsville Alabama newborn & family photographer
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